A parent or caregiver plays a very important role by having open, honest conversations with children and teens about sexual health topics, in an ongoing and age-appropriate way. Other trusted adults like healthcare professionals, other family members, counselors, and religious leaders in their communities can support parents/caregivers.

Open communication about human sexuality and sexual health fosters trust and understanding between parents/caregivers and their children. By creating a safe space for discussions, parents/caregivers can ensure that children and teens feel comfortable asking questions, expressing concerns, and seeking guidance.  At a time when children and teens are constantly bombarded with often misleading (and sometimes outright false) information from all kinds of media, open communication is more important than ever.

Remember, “the talk” should not be a one-time thing. There should be many age-appropriate discussions as kids age and mature. Children and teens want to hear from their parents/caregivers, so talk early and talk often. It will begin to feel more comfortable and it’s an opportunity to share family values and discuss societal and cultural norms surrounding sexuality.

Sexuality can be a sensitive and uncomfortable subject for parents/caregivers, but there are lots of resources that can help them become more comfortable and confident.

Tips for Talking to Young People

 1) Get comfortable with yourself and with the facts

Everyone’s comfort level is different when it comes to discussing sexual health issues. It’s okay for us to acknowledge that it’s awkward to talk about sex. The more you can get comfortable yourself, the easier it will go, and the more comfortable your child will feel coming to you. MORE

2) Start talking early and keep the conversation going

We need to begin talking with our children early and keep the conversation ongoing. Even young children need to learn about self-respect, appropriate touch, and regard for others’ feelings and limits. When these topics feel like an important part of the values you routinely discuss, it will be much easier to discuss them as your children enter puberty and sexual feelings emerge. MORE

3) Make it about values

There are a lot of places your tween or teen can learn about the mechanics of sex, or the details of puberty and development. These include health class, books, and the internet. You need to be sure they learn the values around healthy sexuality from you. MORE

4) Make it about mutual respect, and include discussions about safety

We know that adolescents value their parents’ guidance, and that parental wisdom is critical to preparing young people for a successful future. We should discuss self-respect and mutual respect. Boundaries and personal limits. Listening to others’ spoken and unspoken signals so that you do not stray into behaviors the other person does not desire. MORE

5) Listen

Listen to what your tweens and teens have to say about sexuality. Encourage them to talk. If they ask a question, ask them what they already know or have heard about the topic. Take a listening stance that’s non-judgmental. Be factual in the responses you give them as well. MORE

6) Don’t make assumptions

Don’t assume that just because the world seems to be moving so fast, that young people know it all or have heard it all. Don’t assume that just because a question is asked, that they’re doing it. Don’t assume that children understand everything we’ve told them or that we understand everything they’re trying to communicate with us. MORE

7) Use the media to create teachable moments

There is plenty of sexuality in the media these days. While that may bother us, we can actually take advantage of this. Television shows, movies, websites, books and magazines can be a springboard for educating young people about sexuality. MORE

8) Don’t lecture; explain the whys

We need to support our children to learn to make their own wise decisions. When we tell them what to do or warn of dire consequences through an emotion-driven lecture we can push them away from us and sometimes towards the very behaviors we fear. MORE

9) Paint sexuality as a healthy, beautiful part of being human

Too often, when we talk with our tweens and teens about sex, we only talk about the dangers and consequences of sexual behavior. But what about all the positive aspects and feelings surrounding sexuality? Do you remember the butterflies in your belly from your first “crush”? You can discuss with your child the safety and emotional benefits of choosing to be abstinent, while still discussing all the normal feelings that surround a developing awareness of one’s sexuality. MORE

10) Trust professionals

You are not alone. Your role as parent is critical, but the most highly effective parents work in partnership with other trusted adults to create a multilayered blanket of protection for their adolescents. MORE

Teens say parents, not friends, influence their decisions about sex more than anyone, but only if their parents talk to them. So as tough as it may seem at times, having open and honest conversations about sexuality allows parents & caregivers to shape their teens into adults who will be better prepared for healthy, meaningful relationships.

(adapted from the Center for Parent and Teen Communication)