My identity had never been set in stone for me. When I was around ten, I had a crush on a girl. My parents had always been very accepting, but I was still worried. I told one of my closest friends, and they were very accepting. This prompted me to tell my mom. Like I thought, she was incredibly accepting. I used the label “bisexual” for myself, but it didn’t feel right. There was something missing.
In seventh grade, one of my friends came out as non-binary. I was curious about this identity. What did it mean? They described it to me as “You don’t feel like a girl, but you don’t feel exactly like a boy either. You’re in the middle.” This seemed almost familiar to me, like that feeling was inside me this entire time. But I still felt like a girl, right? I started using the pronouns she/they.
At the beginning of eighth grade, I joined the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) at my school, and became familiar with a new label, “pansexual.” It essentially means that you don’t judge your romantic partners based on looks or gender, you judge based on personality. This resonated with me very strongly. However, the part of that identity that spoke to me the most was the part about not choosing partners based on looks. The part about not choosing partners based on gender made me a bit unsure. Nevertheless, I felt this label was the best fit, so I adopted it.
During the end of eighth grade, I did a deep dive on Google about identities. I finally discovered that maybe the identity I was searching for was “lesbian” all along. I had only had crushes on girls, never boys. I only thought girls were attractive, never boys. I confided in the same friend I first came out to a few years ago, and they helped me figure out that this was the identity that I was most comfortable with. I still felt like I identified with being pansexual though, and I asked myself the question “Why not both?” I identified with aspects of both, so I adopted both identities, and am very happy with both of them.
The final puzzle piece of my identity fell into place during summer camp. I introduced myself using she/they pronouns, and I heard someone use ‘they’ not ‘she’. Something just clicked. That was what I was. Not she/they, but they/them. I felt so much more comfortable when people referred to me as a they. Now, I feel as if my identity is set in stone. I feel proud when people see the stickers on my water bottle with the pride flag. I feel comfortable introducing myself as non-binary. I feel as if I can be open about my sexuality to my friends, and they won’t judge me. I am very happy to be in this place.